Spongebob Squarepants in the Krusty Krab Kalamity
by mandband246
Summary: Co-Authored with Tiger Red


It was another day in Bikini Bottom. The sun was shining, the scallops were chirping, and the local meth dealer was howling at a dumpster. But there was one thing that was about to be not as harmonious as everything else. A large fog horn could be heard emanating a deafening blare of sound. The square yellow sponge sleeping next to it finally was awoken by it.

"8:00? I'm gonna be late!" said the usually perky sponge.

His name was Spongebob Husein Squarepants, but most people just called him Spongebob. Spongebob quickly got out of his bed, opened his closet, and sifted through his dildo collection to find some clean pants. After moving his automatic whipper Spongebob found a pair.

His sex sla-I mean pet, Gary, meowed at him while he got dressed. Spongebob patted the snail on the head, and then proceeded to dive out his bedroom window. Once on the ground Spongebob pushed really hard and his hat popped out of his anus. Spongebob put the hat on and started skipping down the road towards the Krusty Krab.

The entire way there Spongebob kept saying, "I'm ready.", in a disturbing sing-song voice. It was not long before the sponge arrived at his job. Spongebob bursts through the front doors of the restaurant.

"I'm ready!" he said excitingly. Squidward could be seen reading one of his porno mags hidden inside a copy of Dance Quarterly. It was squid mating season and unfortunately Squidward would not be able to make the trip. Which meant one of his tentacles were slightly shaking, waiting to be ripped off and stuck into some octopuss (This is seriously how some cephalopods mate).

Spongebob walked into the kitchen and started to grind up the live children that would be made into grease for the boiler. Mr. Krabs walked in and started yelling:

"What in the blue balls are ya' doin' ya' lille', square, cock whore...yar?"

"I'm grinding the children like I do every morning," Spongebob explained.

"Well yur not doin it hard enough boy...yar!" replied Mr. Krabs.

"Sorry Mr. Krabs, I was up all night performing my weekly satanic ritual. Those things take a lot out of you"

"I don't care if you were praising Satan, Allah, or Cadbury bleemin' Bunny. Just grind harder… yar!" Krabs insisted.

After being given those orders, Spongebob realized it was time to kick it into overdrive. He started chucking those kids into the grease maker one after the other so fast that it would make a crackhead go "Slow down man!" Soon the freshly made child grease started to overflow out of the vat and flood the kitchen. It wasn't long before it flowed into the dining area.

Patrick saw the puddle and said,"Oh yay, the blood of the innocent!". Patrick then proceeded to drag his gluteus maximus over the growing spill.

"I usually have to kill for this!" Patrick announced.

Back inside the kitchen Mr Krabs was about to lose his mind.

"Ya're wastin' money boyo! How many kids do you think I can abduct in a day? Fix this...yar!" Mr Krabs scolded.

Spongebob finally notices that he might of overdone it a little, so he quickly leaps into action. Only to then fall back to the ground because there was nothing to leap to since it was right in front of him. Spongebob utilized his sexy absorbent body to suck up all the child grease. As the grease receded, Patrick went from giggling with glee to being sad.

"Aw" lumented Patrick.

With all the child grease now in Spongebob's body, he was now completely swollen, shiny and sweaty with a slightly orange skin color from the copious amounts of grease dripping from his pores. Squidward turned around to see what was going on only to see the voluptuous sex object in front of him. His tentacle started to pulsate violently at the sight of this gorgeous blob of a sponge. Thoughts started to race through his mind. Lustful thoughts. He had to have him. He didn't care what people would think he had to satisfy these urges.

Spongebob squealed as a tentacle rocketed into his hole, and I mean the hole. No, not one the holes you usually see, I mean his hole. Spongebob then fought to get the tentacle out of his mouth; what hole did you think I was talking about? Anyways, Squidward could then be seen slouched in his cashier boat with one less tentacle and a satisfied look on his face.

Unfortunately, Spongebob wasn't able to reach the tentacle in his mouth while in this bloated form. The tentacle proceeded further down his esophagus, squirting baby juice (not to be confused with child grease) down his throat. Spongebob didn't know what to do. If he released the grease in order to shrink down, then Mr. Krabs would get mad. But if didn't shrink down, then he would choke to death on the squirting tentacle. This was a truly puzzling predicament indeed. Luckily for him, there was another option. Sandy Butt Cheeks had walked into the restaurant for a meal and had realized the urgency of the situation. She quickly used her yoga skills to chop the tentacle in half. Unfortunately that didn't cut it in half but instead caused to squirt even more baby juice.

The baby juice just kept squirting and squirting until Spongebob couldn't breathe. The baby juice started to come out of his eyes and ears as Spongebob fell to the ground, dead. A good distance away from the scene, in her house, Mrs. Puff suddenly feels very happy and she does not know why.


End file.
